Taylor Swift got to sing two songs on the American Music Awards. Unfortunately for her fans, both performances came via 30-second commercials for the new Band Hero videogame. On the occasion of what may have been the crowning moment of her year, the multi-platinum country-pop starlet was otherwise indisposed in London, and had to accept her five trophies via satellite. Maybe she'd made other plans for the night to avoid complete overexposure right after her twin triumphs on the CMA Awards and SNL. Or maybe she's just saving herself for the Grammys?
Whoever won the award for favorite artist at the end of this fan-voted kudocast, it was a given that he or she would win it in absentia, since Swift's main competition for that top prize was Michael Jackson. Jacko devotees didn't have too much else to be disappointed about, since the late King of Pop did get four awards, posthumously bringing his AMAs total to a record-breaking 23.
A few memorable moments from the 18 performances and far fewer actual award presentations:
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MOST CURIOUSLY DRESSED
Whitney Houston's all-white outfit seemed to be a tribute to marshmallows. Rihanna's striped garb paid homage to either zebras or jailbirds, topped by studded shoulder pads. Lady Gaga's stretched the idea of underwear-as-outerwear to the extreme—not just because she and her dancers were wearing tight, flesh-colored outfits, but because she appeared to be wearing her rib cage on the outside. (Exoskeltons: they're the new black!) We're still not sure what to make of Adam Lambert in not one but two spiffy suit-'n'-tie ensembles. His were almost the least glam-rock-looking outfits of the night... compared to, say, Alicia Keys' second dress, which was a sort of sci-fi/fringe combo. Colbie Caillat appeared to have as her top a giant-sized version of the black bow tie that Jay-Z had sported a little bit earlier. Meanwhile, if anyone can explain what gear J.Lo was wearing to her mock-boxing match, we're all ears.
BEST "TRANSFORMERS" HOMAGE
The Black Eyed Peas brought out dancing subwoofers during "Boom Boom Pow." Optimus Prime must've really cleaned up at that last Circuit City close-out sale.
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MOST PROFOUND MOMENTS OF SILENCE
If you were wondering what Eminem's new song sounds like, the AMAs didn't provide much of an answer. Thanks to a presumably profanity-filled guest rap by 50 Cent, this number had more redacted moments than a vintage CIA document. In introducing Slim Shady and 50, Seth Green had promised that "the whole place may get destroyed tonight," but the fairly rote and largely bleeped performance that followed didn't exactly turn out to be 2012.
LEAST INTIMATE CAMERAWORK
During Janet Jackson's opening medley, it was tough for viewers to get an idea of what she even looks like nowadays, since the camera crew and editors had apparently been instructed not to go in for anything resembling a close-up. Was the reliance on long shots meant to avoid giving anyone too much ammunition about lip-synching? Maybe, but it would be nice to have gotten some evidence that Janet, and not a double, was really in the house, instead of a mezzanine's-eye-view of her performance.
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